Ever since I can remember, I’ve always asked for other’s opinions when it comes to making my own decisions. I’m a sucker for crowd-sourcing info from trusted friends and family, and it’s kind of just who I am. I’m a glutton for information, and the more opinions and outside experts I can bring in, the more I feel secure in a decision moving forward. I went nuts with this in pregnancy, and I listened to every single episode of The Pregnancy Podcast, read What To Expect When You’re Expecting cover to cover, twice, had multiple apps that I checked every… single… day…
Now, there’s nothing wrong with doing your research. I think it’s extremely beneficial to search for information and to look at ALL sides of a problem. I think we live in an incredible day and age where all this information is literally at our fingertips at every moment of every day. I don’t have to open a book for a recipe or go to a library to look up a fact. I can learn as much as I’m willing, assuming I know how to spot BS and wade through the crap out there.
But I also think it’s a little bit protective. If you’re constantly gathering new information, then you aren’t actually moving forward. You’re stuck in research mode, and you never shift into the mode that requires the DOING. And then, even if you do start to put some things into action, it’s really easy to blame someone else potentially. After all, it was their info that steered you wrong.
In my own life, I’m going to pump the brakes on this process. On my run yesterday, as I listened to yet another podcast chocked-full of useful health information, & I suddenly just turned it off. I turned on some instrumental music quietly and walked the rest of the way home. I couldn’t help but think, “less knowledge, more intuition.”
I’ve surrounded myself with facts and experts and how-to’s and podcasts and self-help for so long, it’s all just noise right now. The absolute best part of planning what I wanted labor and delivery to look like in Blake’s pregnancy was that I was finally tapping into my own intuition. There was no new information to me anymore because I had researched all 3 pregnancies, again and again. I finally had the knowledge and beliefs in place that my body was entirely capable of doing what it needed to do, and all I had to do was surrender. And it did NOT fail me! Heck, it took over and did its thing quicker than the midwives were prepared for! (Spoiler, the midwife was only there the last 20 minutes or so of labor.)
And that’s the position I’m finding myself in again. I don’t need any new information about my life and what I want from it. I don’t need any experts weighing in and telling me what my summer should look like before Rhett starts kindergarten– I say that now because I was already asking around about what I should do with him! I so naturally gravitate towards this behavior that I’m going to have to be very intentional about tuning into myself and my intuition as a mom. But you know what? No one else is an expert on ME. No one else can tell me what habits and practices make ME feel best, only I can do that.
It’s going to take some trial and error, and the hardest thing it’s going to take is learning to trust myself. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life, and I’m my own worst critic. I think I’ve shied away from trusting my own intuition for a long time, and that’s about to change. I am the expert on me, and I’m the expert on my kiddos. I’m excited for a summer of opportunities with them, and I’m even more excited to feel like I’m 100% in the driver’s seat now.